i had a meltdown

“It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there. ”

I want to talk about my meltdown. 

My first, and probably not my last, COVID-19 meltdown. Not surprising for me. Bipolar 2 and anxiety will do that to you. As usual, the final straw of the meltdown was food related. One day, I’ll tell you about the chili cheese dog incident. But today. Eggs. Eggs did me in. I ordered groceries for curbside pickup. On that list. Two 18-count eggs. Went to pick it up. So easy by the way. Ordered online, drove to the spots, called, and they were ready to go. Had some subs and unavailable stuffs. Ok cool. Whatever. But. They didn’t have 18-count eggs. They only had 12-count. And only had one package. 

In the car waiting for the personal shopper to load the truck. Stuck in a smaller space than usual. Knowing we were missing things that weren’t really critical. But also knowing that eggs, to me, are seemingly critical. 

No tears yet. I did it. I made it. All the way home. Groceries unloaded. I did it. 

Until. I didn’t. Broke down in tears at the dining room table. Mike helped calm me down (and chastised me for touching my face). But I still broke down. 

This whole situation is filled with so many unknowns and so many uncertainties. There is new information and changes daily. Creates more anxiety than ever. No amount of meds would keep me fully stable with this kind of environmental stressor. 

But maybe I shouldn’t lose it because I only have 12 eggs.